If you don’t stand you will fall

Hi, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about writing something significant, that may shed some light to questions of Christianity and all the things that come with it. I thought to write about things that were significant to me. Then as I went on thinking about what to write, there was a very specific and general question that came to the minds of people I meet.

A little background I just recently graduated from college, and joined the ever so amazing world of the workforce. The people I met kept asking me as to why I don’t have a girlfriend yet. Out of all the questions in the world that they could possibly ask, it was this that stood out. Not because I was longing for one, but because when I gave them my answer, they always seem puzzled and answered with sarcasm to my reason.
You see my reason is,

I haven’t found someone who would fit my standards yet.

When people heard this the common reaction would be,

when you find the “ONE” those standards won’t apply.

Now this thought bothered me and made me think about giving defense as to why, if you plan on having a commitment especially in a romantic relationship, a standard is necessary.

First,

The world we live in has standards. If a product or an organization would be without them, then we would doubt the credibility of such a product or organization. In our own lives, the purpose of a romantic relationship is to be married. If so then not being able to establish a standard with the person we are to marry makes the marriage less credible. How are you so sure that both of you are committed to each other till death, if the foundation of the relationship is without standards?

2nd,

Now, even though you may disagree, all of us are filled with our own standards, in fact the world nowadays is filled with double standards. You say no to a situation or person because you believe it is for the best. To do so you yourself prove that you are living by your own standards. So why would you limit your standards to just the way you live? Why don’t you stand as to who you are going to live it with?

Finally,

The most important reason as to why we must live by standards.

1 Corinthians 3:16 (ESV)

¹⁶ Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

We are God’s temple. If we don’t choose wisely on who we are going to live with, we are literally allowing the temple to be corrupted by our selfish choices.

1 Corinthians 10:23 (ESV)

²³ “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

I could give context, but I guess these words are too powerful to be misinterpreted. Without a standard how will you know what is helpful or what builds up?

2 Corinthians 3:2-3 (ESV)

² You yourselves are our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all. ³ And you show that you are a letter from Christ delivered by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

We are the written letter to the world about who Christ is. If we live by His standards, then we should also find a spouse who will do the same.

Ephesians 2:8 (ESV)

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,

We have been saved by unmerited favor through faith, and faith is not without its outer workings. How can a person be saved and yet choose to play along the lines? The gift of salvation compels us to live by His standards.

Genesis 2:24 (ESV)

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

This is the purpose of marriage and if standards are not in its place, then the purpose would be perverted.

That is why to find a spouse is nothing short of a miracle, and is a gift from our gracious Father. If we allow ourselves to be without the standards we would be chasing the gift not the giver.

As to what are the standards or how do these apply for every person, I will discuss that in my next blog.

Thanks and may God richly bless you,

Migel

The Standard of Grace

I know, the title seems quite literally, a contradiction of what we know about grace. Grace as we come to the knowledge of it is unmerited favor, something you don’t work for, you don’t strive to have, but is given to you freely just because it is given. Now with that said, this is the foundation for what standards a person must have in choosing a partner.

How can such a free, unbiased, and universal trait be the foundation of standards in choosing a lifelong partner? Well, you see, it goes back to what Paul said to the romans in chapter 3. It is true that none of us is worthy. All of us, no matter what color, height, weight, habit or even education cannot achieve the standards.

To which standards am I referring to well you can check the 613 laws in the Old Testament for reference, or maybe the 10 commandments that God gave to Moses, or maybe let’s try the two most important commandments given by Jesus Christ. None can achieve this so easily and so, grace is our foundation in achieving the unachievable through Jesus.

What does this have to do with the standards in having a relationship?

In truth, no one will ever be fit to our standards. I repeat no one, so what’s the point in having standards if no one can achieve them?

Here’s the deal, sometimes, our standards are filled with unnecessary things. That’s why no one can achieve them. So here I’m going to classify them into two to allow us to have these standards without being unattainable, founded in grace and still is useful for measurement.

First, is the standard that cannot be changed, moved or altered in any manner. It is called the non-negotiables these are standards that make or break a relationship. Then there is off course the negotiables, those standards that are quite frankly just self-preserving, and aesthetic that it barely has any big implication when it comes to the relationship itself.

The negotiables are really just things you want your future partner to have. Mostly physical traits, some, just habits you enjoy and hope that she would also have.

The non-negotiables on the other hand are characteristics you cannot live without, and having a partner that does not have them, will throw your life off course and just blatantly turn you away from your purpose. For example, as a Christian, one of my non-negotiables is that, my partner should have a beautiful relationship with Jesus Christ as well. Thinking about a life with a partner without such trait, would inexplicably, put me in the wrong track of my life’s purpose.

These non-negotiables are traits that when one has, you will assume that they have a whole set of other traits incorporated with this one. And so here is where grace will be applied.

Just because He or She has a relationship with Christ does not mean they are perfect models of Christianity

Might I remind you of what Paul said to the Philippians?

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.

You see, Christianity is an ongoing process of change, from one form to another, in fact, the idea of Christianity is that of metamorphosis, and just like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, it takes time. So expecting a perfectly made Christian delivered at your door step is a very fallible idea.

To summarize, the standard one needs is a standard that is axiomatic to who they are. One, cannot simply, choose a partner based on raging waves of emotions. With that said we must also remember that we are all a work in progress and looking at one flaw, as opposed, to the entirety of a person, is just simply judgmental. As for me my greatest standard lies in my greatest love, of which can only be found in my savior Jesus Christ. And to all those who feel the same way, then please choose someone who would be worthy of walking with you towards God’s calling. The implications of this is huge, when I say calling, know, that I am also talking about the type of life you are going to live. Just because the person is a Christian, does not mean the boot fits. Remember we are all called to do different things, place as a secondary standard, the path you are going to walk, your partner must be walking the same path or else, you will drift apart.

Though I will delve deeper into this on my next blog.

Thanks for reading,

Migel